This blog usually ends up being all about Josiah which in some ways makes sense since I spend all waking hours with him day in and day out (and I know that's really what people want to hear about) but in all honesty there are many days I want to share something deeper that is going on within my heart. I've been thinking about this a lot lately (why I don't share the deeper thoughts of my heart) and I've come to realize it's for a couple of reasons.
Reason number 1: It's risky being so vulnerable.
Reason number 2: I'm not sure who all reads this.
Reason number 3: I'm afraid of offending someone.
It's occurred to me that I could change my settings to who I allow to read this blog and that would take care of "reason number 2", but I'm just not sure yet I want to do that. I once was told by a wise woman to not let myself be easily offended and I've always really tried to take that to heart but then I realized that just because I have tried to do that does not mean that others do the same. Which leaves "reason number 3" still a reason to hold on to. As for "reason number 1" I just hold on to that because that is my human nature. Whether or not it is actually valid reason is debatable.
"1 Peter 5:9 says, "Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings".
I feel like I use to be a more open person. I really wanted to be someone who wore their heart on their sleeve for all to see. It made me feel empowered in some odd way to do that. I think I felt that it was allowing God to shape and use me in more ways. It made me feel like I wasn't allowing the devil to control the "hard" things in my life. I've also realized through out the years that by wearing my heart on my sleeve I have been able to connect in ways I probably couldn't have otherwise with people who are hurting or rejoicing in the same way.
So as I ponder on the things I of my heart that I want to wear on my sleeve I hope that I can gain back the courage to do so. In the mean time I ask that you have patience with me.
6 comments:
I just love the picture on your blog...wish you weren't so far away, so it's good to read how your family is doing.
Erika Childs
Oh Tanna. I love you. I think you're a deep, wonderful person and look forward to hearing more from you. Don't be afraid!
Hey Tanna, now that you've seen my blog and been kind enough to leave a comment, I thought I should let you know that I've been blog stalking you for awhile now! ;) So, there you go, now you know of one more person who reads this. Hopefully that makes you more confident in sharing your heart and not less. How's Josiah feeling today?
You don't know me, but I check your blog daily and read all the updates. I went to SDSU and knew Brett from InterVarsity. I love reading about Josiah, but would also love to hear your thoughts and your heart. We've never met, but I love learning more about people... their trials, joys, insights, and everything else. Spill your heart out, girl! We're listening (rather, reading). :)
Tanna: I love you and your family so much. You have made me so proud I have been able to watch you grow from a small very shy little girl into such a wonderful caring and brave woman. I am truly blessed to be part of your life.
love you my chid Jim
Thanks for sharing Tanna, looking forward to more. :)
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