grain carts and jumpy legs

Picture from this summer, but just to show those of you who do not
know what a grain cart is (it's the tractor/cart left of the combine)

As of a few days ago my job as a farm wife was to make and bring lunches out to the guys during harvest when they needed them. My job changed on sat. and once again yesterday (Monday). Brett and Tim (my father-in-law) have been out still trying to get in our really late corn harvest which has been slow because of weather and now also because it is just the two of them. When Brett and I talked about moving out to South Dakota some day I was always really excited and thought I would be able to help out on the farm with him but then we moved back and I had a little baby boy to take care of instead.

On Friday night Brett asks me as we are getting into bed if I want to drive grain cart the next day. I said sure, thinking he was joking because what would we do with Josiah for however many hours we are out there. Sat. morning we get up and he tells me he will call me when I should come out and that his mom was going to watch Josiah. I then realize he was serious the night before. From what everyone has told me is that driving the grain cart is the easiest job and so I'm thinking ok I can do this. I drop Josiah off at Grandma's and head out to the field, jump in the tractor with Brett while Tim is in the combine. Brett talks me through it and shows me how for two runs and then I got in the drivers seat, had one go at it and then I was left alone in the tractor. Side note: there are way more buttons and things to push then I thought which makes me think that if this is the easiest job...this is all I will ever do.

Well, Brett moved into the combine and Tim moved to the semi's. Was I nervous? I think that is an understatement. I can't even think of a word to use that describes what I was feeling. Brett is talking me through it all (we had two-way radios that sometimes worked) and Tim was hauling the corn in the semi's to the bins in town. And this is where it gets interesting...

Because I was slow to fill the semi Tim had to wait while I was finishing filling it. I don't know what it was but having someone standing there watching me put me over the top. I was nervous enough to begin with but at that moment I suddenly thought I was going to throw up. I know, I know...why would I feel like throwing up? I felt like I was not at all comfortable with the many controls I needed to use and just knowing that the equipment I was working with and near is very very expensive to say the least and the corn I am loading and dumping is worth a pretty penny as well made for a lot of nerves. I think in general I don't do well with someone watching me, I just get nervous, but with the added pressure of not breaking or spilling anything it felt like more than I could handle. So as I'm feeling like I'm about to throw-up my knee starts shaking. I'm not just meaning a little shake...I'm talking about a 5 inch shake. I couldn't get it to calm down and because it was shaking so bad I couldn't get it to hold the clutch. At this point I don't know what to do...do I throw-up all over the tractor or get out and run until I'm as far away from anything I can break? Neither option seemed like a good one so I got out of the tractor walked over to Tim (who was up on top of the semi) and in a shaky voice said, "Tim, I don't think I can do this. I'm so nervous my leg is shaking and I can't hold the clutch in." I'm not sure how much of what I said he heard but like a good father-in-law he looked an me, smiled and said, "you are doing fine, keep going". My thoughts ran back to my options before of throwing up or running far far away...but instead I looked up at him, smiled back and said, "ok". As I walked back to the grain cart, recomposed myself, got in and began to do the job that needed to be done. I'm happy to say that I didn't throw-up, I didn't run, and slowly my knee began to shake less. They even asked me back on Monday and I'm excited to say I have neither broken or spilled anything...yet!